So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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