piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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