Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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