Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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