I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
