The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
God, I missed his penis.
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