The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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