Your favorite bartender is back from prision
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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