She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
