I cannot find my penis.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
