arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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