I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
