I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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