I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
