so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
