im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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