sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
