My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
