Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
