Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
