Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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