Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
