you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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