Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
