So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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