Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
