somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
