We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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