How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
please don't ironically join a cult
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