I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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