My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
vagina is talking i cant
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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