I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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