Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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