i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
