I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
