i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
