She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
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i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
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I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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