My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
