There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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