I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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