I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
