Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
