I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
