my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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