Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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