One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
