so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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