i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize