There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
