So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
