I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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