I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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