There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
