i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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