Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
