we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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