i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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