Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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