i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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