So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
