so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
