i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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