I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
