did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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