First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
