Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
