it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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