i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
