He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
