Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
