I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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