if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
