Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
