I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
