I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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