Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
