The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize