He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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