im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
