Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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